I need to mark this day in my memory because it's the beginning of another huge leap of faith! I just finished the application process to bring home our next child or children. God is so good. For months and months I have been praying, and have asked a couple of friends to pray, that if God wanted us to persue another adoption He would lay it on Jay's heart and Jay would be the one to mention it.
We have three children now, and we are so utterly blessed that it's hard to imagine having more. We are "full". When we first spoke of having children, about 20 years ago, we laughed and said we wanted five. As the years passed, we hoped that would be true. But through years of sadness, infertility and miscarriages, it seemed that it was not to be. When we finally were blessed with our first daughter, I knew right away we would again adopt. The experience of parenthood was too good to stop now! Then we adopted Jacob and the blessing of two children, the perfect pair of one boy and one girl, appeared to be enough. But in 2007 my heart started to stir again, and God very plainly placed a child with cardiac issues on my mind. In 2008 we received our referral for our second daughter. She was very sick, and needed open heart surgery immediately. Her recovery was rough, but she is now the picture of health despite her uncurable heart disease. She is a most amazing child, with tenderness, humor, strength, and passion in all circumstances. We couldn't imagine anything beyond what we've experienced in our three children.
So last week I received an email from America World Adoption regarding a new program the China Center for Adoption Affairs has begun called the Special Focus children program (http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2010/09/ccaa-launches-special-focus-children-program.html ). My heart leapt at the thought of being able to adopt two children at one time, and of course my mind went back to the fact that we had originally wanted five kids! Of course, I still felt the need to keep my mouth shut and let God move in a big way. A couple days later, on a rare occasion that Jay and I were able to spend some time alone while my parents kept the kids, we were talking about the children and how much they've changed this summer. I mentioned how Katie Mei is no longer a toddler and I'm going to miss having a baby in the house. Jay responded with "Why don't we adopt again?"
I wanted to jump and shout right then, but instead I offered to Jay that I had just gotten the email from AWAA two days prior. We lightly pondered another adoption and more kids, and he said he couldn't even imagine being any happier than we were right now. Our three children are wonderful, we are all blessed with health, a beautiful home, a comfortable financial situation, and we're just kind of at a place where rocking the boat doesn't seem to be necessary.
But something really lingered inside of me, and that was the fact that Jesus never called us to be comfortable. In fact, I kind of think that if we get comfortable then something is wrong. If we are at a point where we have more than enough to meet our needs, then we certainly aren't doing something that we should be doing. The parable Jesus told about the certain rich man who built larger store houses to store his grains and goods from his very productive land came to mind. To quote Luke 12:20-21: God said to him, "You fool! This very night your soul is required of you; and now who will own what you have prepared?" So is the man who lays treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.
Being "rich toward God" is more than just tithing. We tithe faithfully and have seen the awesome blessing that God has promised to "open for you the windows of heaven, and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows." If there's anyone out there who looks at our life and thinks we've done this on our own, they're missing the big picture. Jay and I have not brought any blessings upon ourselves. It is only by the mighty hand of God that we have seen answers to prayer, been annointed so graciously with our family, and have seen our cups overflow. Tithing is one of those things where God actually challenges us to test Him and see what He can do. Go and read Malachi 3:8-12 for yourself!
But beyond tithing, how can we be "rich toward God"? Well, he blesses us in many ways, and unless we turn around and pour out those blessings on others, the blessings will become stagnant and will be of no good to anyone. When I think of our family being "comfortable" for any length of time, I think of it as a full cup which can hold no more, but the water filling it is starting to get stale. Ever leave a cup of water sitting around for a long time? It starts to get yucky. Who picks up a cup of water from two days ago and drinks it? Don't we usually pour it out and get fresh water? There must be circulation of the water in a lake or pond in order to keep the water fresh and oxygenated. If the water just sits there, the fish will die. No good comes from a lack of circulation. God has designed us not to hoard His generous gifts, but to put them to use for His Kingdom. Being rich toward God is seeing a need a fulfilling it. It's not always about money, but also about your time, your energy, your pursuits of pleasure, your health. What are you doing with that strong back and legs that is helping someone else? What are you doing with your time? Who is being edified, built up, or helped by the blessings God has given you?
So back to the adoption thing. We are comfortable. All the more reason to step out in faith and see where the Lord leads. A couple days after Jay and I had this conversation, I got online and reviewed the new process for adopting internationally. Since 2007 the rules have changed. There are more requirements and hurdles to overcome. Training (Training? We've already done this three times?!), higher costs (are we ever going to be "comfortable" again?!), background checks from a lifetime of military residences and moves (Oh Lord, how will we ever get all that paperwork together?!). It's not a pretty sight. Not at all. And I changed my mind. Yep. I changed my mind. So I didn't fill out the application. I told Jay we were still in the "praying about it" stage and that I had to email some folks to ask questions. That's the benefit to being the one who does all the paperwork...gives me the illusion of being "in control" of what's going on. But you know what it really is? It's Satan at work. He knows we're enjoying "comfortable", and if we don't stay that way, we might fulfill a little bit of the Lord's prayer that says "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven". The enemy was definitely trying to get a foothold in my mind to turn me away from a new faith adventure. If Katie Mei's adoption wasn't enough to show me God's faithfulness, I don't know what is. But I started to bend and entertained thoughts of just calling it off and telling Jay it was probably a bad idea afterall.
And then God spoke. Well, he used His Word to speak to me. And it came from the least expected passage in scripture, as far as I was concerned. I had just begun reading the book of John over again, and in the second chapter, I caught my breath. This is the passage where Jesus was at a wedding in Cana and his mother informed him that the host had run out of wine for the guests. She told Jesus to take care of it and told the servants to do whatever he said.
7Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim. 8Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet." They did so, 9and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now."
I know kids and alcohol don't mix, but this passage and this last verse really struck me. In the conversation Jay and I had earlier, Jay said "I don't know how we could be any happier." I had my answer. Jesus is the only one who can take the good life we have and make it even better. I cannot imagine being any more contented than we are now, but the thought of all those children in orphanages, to the tune of millions, definitely breaks into my contentedness. And here we are, comfortable. It makes me ill.
So yesterday I started work on the lengthy application, and today we submitted the application, photo, letter of request, and the first of many fees. But there is now such a peace that we've not only submitted an application, but more importantly, I've submitted to Jesus once again.
My cup overflows.
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